you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
