I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Randomize
