I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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