It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Randomize
