I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
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