The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
