i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
