and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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