Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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