I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
