Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
