woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
ugly people sure do ruin things
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
