Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Randomize