My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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