I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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