I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
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