I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
