good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
