I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize
