He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Do you have feelings for this penis?
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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