I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
