So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
