oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
