too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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