Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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