It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
