Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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