i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
