She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
