Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
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