Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize