You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Randomize
