Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
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