DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize