the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
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