This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
