: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
