No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Randomize
