Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
