she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Randomize
