You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
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