woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Randomize
