I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
At least make sure they are 18
Why
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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