You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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