This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
I'm really busy with my period
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