I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Randomize
