May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
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