I'm really into asian looking animals
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
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