So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
So squirting runs in the family.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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