Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
