I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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