I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Randomize
