haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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