i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Acid is not a monday night drug
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
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