btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
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