i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
false alarm, still single
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
