Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
