im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
