Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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