I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
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