so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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