So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
