my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
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