My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
