I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize
