grandma shit on top of the toilet
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
