Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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