used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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