i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
