The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Randomize
