Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
