Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
