P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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