Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
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