My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize