the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Randomize
