I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
