Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Randomize
