Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
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