how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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