Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
