Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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