The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
