I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
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