I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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