My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
