What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
