i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
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