Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
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