If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
