Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Randomize
